Happy Tax Day! For those new to this newsletter: this is the second part of a two-part post about our Happy Nesting month in Rome this past winter. The first post covered initial impressions. This one is, well, a reckoning.
Day 3: A Realization
Three days into our 30 days in Rome, Hugh and I looked at each other and said the same thing: we miss having a dog. Not just Sasha specifically – though of course we missed her – but the scaffolding and structure dog ownership provides during a month away from home. The walks around the neighborhood. The rhythm of feeding times. The way a dog makes a strange place feel like home faster than anything else. After seven years of Happy Nesting, it turns out the dog wasn’t just along for the ride. She was helping us find our footing.
We had no idea how prescient that observation was about to become.
Days 5-6: The Calls
Five days in, our 25-year-old son Spencer, who was house- and dog-sitting, reached out. Sasha was having trouble walking. The next day, he reached out with more urgency. He took her in for an emergency vet visit.
I will always remember that we were on a guided tour of St. Peter’s Basilica when they called. We bailed on the tour and took the call seated on a built-in marble bench at the cathedral entrance. The situation was dire. She was in pain and her labs showed kidney failure. The vet sent Spencer to an emergency hospital. Several hours later, we learned that Sasha had developed what appeared to be end-stage Lyme disease. Hospitalization would be expensive and was unlikely to work, and she was clearly suffering. There was nothing to be done. We put her down.
As Sasha was our dog, we felt terrible that Spencer had to shoulder this alone. He never should have had to do that.
What made the loss especially brutal was that we’d had no warning – Sasha was in the pink of health when we left. And we had just begun the trip, with 24 days still ahead. Hugh and I were in Rome, thousands of miles away, knowing we’d have to grieve there, and then grieve all over again when we came home to an empty house. Which is exactly what happened.
Days 7-30: Rome with a Broken Heart
I want to be honest about the rest of the trip without being maudlin about it, because Rome genuinely delivered in a lot of ways.
The best of it was time with our friends Ken and Colleen, Ann Arbor friends who happened to be in Rome at the same time. Having companions who knew the city well – its art, its church history, what you’re actually looking at when you’re standing in front of something – changed the experience entirely. Several long dinners together at our respective rentals were among the best memories of the whole month.
And we toured lots of museums, monuments, and neighborhoods. Many of Rome’s greatest hits are well-known, so I’ll skip those and focus on the less obvious.
Two Day Trips: Ostia Antica, the ruins of an ancient Roman port city, and Tivoli, where Hadrian’s Villa and Villa d’Este are both extraordinary.
Villa D’Este, Tivoli Two Food Markets: Mercato Trionfale and Testaccio Market – the real thing, as opposed to the touristy Campo de’ Fiori market where we were staying.
Two Museums: The Capitoline Museum, which in addition to its famous works currently has a terrific temporary exhibit about Cartier jewelry and its classical influences; and the Galleria Doria Pamphilj, a former Renaissance mansion with an audio tour narrated by an actual member of the Doria-Pamphilj family. Don’t miss the 1650 Velázquez portrait of Pope Innocent X – widely considered one of the greatest portraits ever painted.
A performance of Haydn’s The Creation Two Activities: A choral performance at the Accademia Nazionale di Santa Cecilia, and an Italian cooking class.
Italian cooking class Two Travel Tips: Rick Steves’ audio tours are easy to download and not too long. And AI is seriously your best friend when traveling – it can find the nearest public bathroom, identify a building you’re walking past, and explain the provenance of art you’re standing in front of, all in seconds.
I’ve come to think of Rome a bit like taking medicine. It definitely wasn’t as fun as, say, our month in Sedona. But it will make us better in the long run. Rome taught us a lot. Our interest in classical history, the Renaissance, early Christianity – all of it deepened. When we are older and grayer (than we currently are 😆) we may not be able to go on long hikes. But we will be able to watch a documentary on classical history. Hugh has long been a serious history nerd. But our trip rekindled my interest in the classics.
And then – best of all – we took a vacation from our vacation and went to the Cinque Terre for the weekend. It was off-season, so we booked rooms the day of, cheap and easy. Hiking is all about the weather, and we didn’t have gear. We were lucky the weather held; if it hadn’t we would have taken the train back to Rome. We hiked all five villages, 7.5 miles total but super hilly – a legit workout. After weeks of navigating Rome’s chaotic, cobblestoned, tourist-choked streets, being on a trail above the Mediterranean felt like coming up for air. Hugh and I were back in our element. One thing we noticed right away was how quickly we fell into conversation with people – fellow hikers, coffee shop workers, restaurant owners. In Rome everyone has their guard up. In less populated areas, and particularly out on the trail, people take time to chat. I don’t think that’s an observation about Italy specifically – cities and less populated places have this dynamic everywhere. On our first morning hiking, mid-second-breakfast, we met a young couple and discovered that the woman had gone to Skyline High School in Ann Arbor, where our kids went. Of course she had.
Back Home
We flew home dreading what was waiting: an empty house, Sasha’s box of chew toys, dog treats in a ramekin on the counter, her leash on the hook by the door.
It was exactly as hard as we’d expected.
We didn’t wait long. We started looking at dogs at the Ann Arbor Humane Society and pretty quickly found this guy.
We named him Caesar – partly to redeem our month in Rome, partly because it made us laugh. He is, it should be said, not remotely Caesar-like in personality. He is a complete softie. A one-year-old pup with a lot of energy and absolutely no imperial ambitions whatsoever. Although I personally think he has a regal look to him, especially around the ears.
A new dog is a lot of work, especially a young one. But we have the time now. That’s the whole point of this chapter.
What Rome Taught Us
The clearest lesson from Happy Nesting Year 7: no more month long international trips without our dog. Which, practically speaking, means Happy Nesting months in the U.S. going forward. We’re more than fine with that. This country has no shortage of places we haven’t explored, and apparently we need a dog to explore them properly. You can’t have everything. We can’t have lots of international travel and the daily joy of a dog. When push comes to shove, we prefer the daily joy of a dog.
This was also my first Happy Nesting month as a fully retired person, which changed the shape of the time in ways I hadn’t anticipated. In prior posts I’ve made the point that we’re not tourists – we’re there for a month. In Rome, we were tourists. A month of being a tourist is a long time, and I don’t think I’m built for it. Next time, I want a neighborhood gym, a regular coffee shop, a familiar trail. A routine. A dog to walk.
There’s a version of this story where Sasha’s death ruined Rome. “Reckoning” is a heavy word. But it really was one – a clarification of what matters most. And here’s the thing: Rome was already teaching us something before that phone call came. We’d figured out on Day 3 that we’d been doing Happy Nesting with a secret ingredient all along.
Caesar is that ingredient now. He has no idea he’s named after an emperor. He doesn’t care. He just wants his morning walk.
So do we.
Random Rec of the Week
📚🎧 Now that I am spending lots of time walking Caesar, I am continuing with audiobook recs. Viola Davis’ autobiography Finding Me is flat-out fantastic, and she is, unsurprisingly, a wonderful reader. The first half, recounting a childhood of hunger, abuse, and trauma, is tough. The second half, about her slow and steady rise through the acting ranks, first as a journeyman actor and then eventually as a marquee star, is super fun. I loved all the Hollywood insider info. An interesting and engaging read.
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New subscribers: hello and welcome! This newsletter is about late midlife reinvention: my adventures living somewhere new for a month every year, profiles of people making bold life changes, and enthusiastic takes on movies, Broadway, and the Oscars.
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Cesar!!!! ❤️
Beautifully written, as usual, Alice. I'm so glad to know how much you loved your time in the Cinque Terre! Andrew and I loved it most, too, but are not going there on our trip next month. It feels like something we want to treasure ourselves, not 'showcase' to our boys, you know? Caesar is such a lucky pup, and I am confident you'll have many awesome adventures together. Welcome home!